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Early Man - Made Me Want to Leave the Theater Early

Check out Joel's review:

Submitted by Bethany on Fri, 02/16/2018 - 19:17

I feel like I have to start by admitting that I don't super care for claymation in general.  I have a lot of respect for the time, skill, and artistry that goes into this form of storytelling, but something about it just irks me.  So it's safe to say I didn't have high hopes for this movie.  Now, had the story been worth seeing, I could have enjoyed it regardless of the animation style.  But for me, the story itself was not worth seeing. 

We open on earth when the dinosaurs roamed - a T-rex and a Triceratops are fighting.  Then we see cave men hanging out and fighting over a piece of meat, when all of a sudden the asteroid hits!  This mysterious asteroid wipes out the dinosaurs, but to early man it bestows a gift - the asteroid is in fact the first football (aka soccer ball to us Americans).  Fast forward many generations and we meet Dug and the band of lovable misfits living in the valley where the asteroid had struck so many ages before.  They are quite happy living simply and hunting rabbit until the evil Lord Nooth invades to mine their valley for bronze, as elsewhere in the world it is now the bronze age. 

Through a series of mishaps, Dug makes a wager that the cave men will get their valley back if they can win - you guessed it - a game of soccer against the undefeated bronze team.  What follows is incredibly predictable training montages, recycled jokes, an inexplicable giant mallard, lessons about teamwork, and of course well, ok, I won't spoil it, but I would bet all the money I have you can guess who wins the game in the end.  I didn't find much enjoyable about the movie, and I only wish I had some popcorn to entertain me.  I emphatically do not recommend.