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Losing the Weight, Finding Myself: Week 13

Submitted by Bethany on Sun, 04/22/2018 - 14:00

Hey guess what?  Guess what?  My weight stayed the same this week.  Whomp, whomp.  I weighed in at 254.6, leaving me exactly where I was this time last week.  

But let's be real folks, I know what I'm doing wrong.  I still barely exercise (my back hurts which is kind of a legit excuse but kinda not.  I don't exercise because my  back hurts.  But maybe my back hurts because I don't exercise?  Perhaps it's a chicken and egg sort of thing).  So that's definitely a big check mark on the "how not to lose weight" side of things. 

I did okay eating this week, as evidenced by the fact that I didn't gain any weight.  But again, at this weight, it should be a lot easier for me to make some small adjustments and have the weight fall off. We had some emotional things happen last week, which did lead to some emotional eating (hello night at Pizza Ranch), which is really an impulse I need to get under control.  I wish I was one of those people who worked out anger/sadness/etc on the treadmill, but I'm definitely one of those that works out anger/sadness/etc with a pizza box.  I'm sure that's a habit that can be changed, but I'm also sure it will take a lot of work. 

I have continued to see some non-scale changes.  My clothes continue to fit looser, and even a pair of sandals that I haven't worn since last August fit rather loose when I pulled them out again.  I'm not entirely sure if this means my feet have lost weight, but I suppose it means something, lol.  

All in all I seem to waffling between feeling extremely motivated to really get this weight loss train started, and feeling very "meh" about the whole thing.  One day I'm all revved up to eat healthy and keep moving and keep going in the right direction, and the next day I just want to binge Netflix in my pajamas all day and eat bad for me things.  I suppose in the end life is about balance - and if I was at a healthy weight I could waffle between these two things and maintain some equilibrium.  

A Weight Watchers email the other told me I need to find my "why" - something which seems to be bouncing around a lot in my cultural zeitgeist lately.  My why for losing weight is multi-fold.  I have my shallower reasons - I want to look younger, and be prettier, and all that jazz.  But I would also love to be able to dance again, and to not feel embarrassed when I tell people I used to be a dancer.  I would also love to go on a hot air balloon ride without paying extra, or be able to ride the double Ferris Wheel at the state fair with my husband, without exceeding the 400 pound limit.  I haven't spent a lot of time reflecting on how being overweight has affected my life over the last decade, but I know it has.  I think I will make it a goal to do that sometime soon, and see if that helps motivate me. 

In the meantime, I'm going to kick off my Mon-Wed with the Military Diet again, and try to work in some exercise this week!

XOXO, Bethany