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Losing the Weight, Finding Myself: Week 4

Submitted by Bethany on Sun, 02/18/2018 - 11:12

I am super excited to say that this is the first week I am really seeing results on the scale!  I weighed in at 260.8 this morning, which is down 4.8 pounds from last week.  So now is the time to reflect on how I did this, and more importantly, how do I keep it going?  

You see, it's hard for me to lose almost 5 pounds in a week.  But ask me to gain 5 pounds in a week?  I can do that in a day, easy.  It would be so easy to reward myself for losing weight by letting myself eat whatever I want (as I have done many times in the past), and then oh so easily that 5 pound loss can slip away.  But I am determined to keep it this time, and to keep the momentum going in the right direction! 

This past week I paid more attention to how I was eating than I have in a long time.  I tend to do an okay job paying attention to what I'm eating - I know I should eat more fruits and vegetables, lean meats and protein, whole grains, etc. etc.  But even when I make healthy-ish meals, I have a tendency to overeat.  I have this strange fear of being hungry - I don't think I've ever really been deprived at any point in my life, but I am afraid of it nonetheless.  Perhaps it's something biological or instinctual in me.  But it's this fear that drives me to stock up on food at home, make meals that are way too big for two people, and eat more than I should in one sitting.  When it comes to how much I eat, I tend to blow right past "satisfied" and not stop until I reach "full" - often uncomfortably full.  

However, twice in the past week (yes, since I was hypnotized), when I ate to the point of being uncomfortably full, something else happened besides discomfort - pain.  Real, doubled over, feel like I'm going to throw up, pain.  Pain whose memory is so strong it is now a powerful motivator to not eat too much in one sitting because I do not ever want to feel that way again.  I don't know if it's a psychosomatic thing, or if perhaps on some level the hypnosis worked on me, or just some random coincidence, but it helped me to eat less all week long.  Every time I sat down to eat I paid attention to how I was feeling, and I ate intentionally slower.  As soon as I reached satisfied, with no more hunger, I stopped eating.  

This had two other effects on me.  One, I found myself eating more, smaller meals.  (Which the hypnosis guy did say he would have us doing).  Since I couldn't eat too much in one sitting, I found myself hungry more often, but eating less each time I ate.  And overall I ended up eating less food over the course of 5-6 small meals than I used to in 3 large meals a day.  Second, I had to face my fear hesitation of throwing away food.  I don't like wasting food that is on my plate.  If there is enough leftover, I will put it in the fridge and eat it later.  But half a scrambled egg left is hardly enough to put in the fridge, and doesn't reheat very well.  So my normal mode of operation would be to just eat the last few bites, even if I didn't really want to.  This week I forced myself to throw it away.  It felt odd and like I was breaking some sort of rule, but I definitely preferred that feeling to the pain of eating too much.  

So this rather large change in my eating habits is what helped me have movement on the scale this week.  I'll admit, I'm still not working out much at all.  I keep telling myself when I've lost more weight it will be easier/more fun to workout.  We have plans for what we want to do - get back to the FBI training and testing we did last summer.  It's hard to workout in the middle of winter when you don't belong to a gym!  (That was totally said in a whiny voice, I apologize).  I know, I know, these are excuses and I need to suck it up.  

I'm hoping to keep up the new, better eating habits this week, and hopefully start to work in some exercise as well.  In the meantime I'm proud of my accomplishment this week, but there is still such a long way to go I can't spend too much time patting myself on the back!  

XOXO, Bethany