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Losing the Weight, Finding Myself: Week 2

Submitted by Bethany on Sun, 02/04/2018 - 13:27

Well, you'll be delighted to know my usual pattern has held true.  This is the one in which I declare I'm going to weigh myself once a week, work hard on losing weight, and then immediately that first week the scale goes up instead of down.  This week I weight in at 266.4.  Now granted, that's only a gain of .4.  Joel doesn't even count the tenths of pounds when he weighs in, so I could just not count it.  But for me those tenths of pounds are important - even if small, they should whether I am moving in the direction I want to, or not.  And clearly, I am not.  

It's not too surprising though.  Despite my declaration last week I didn't really change anything about my eating habits, and I barely worked out at all.  I've made this same declaration (lose all the weight!) many times in the last decade.  It would be hard to know exactly how many. 20?  40?  100?  Honestly a number in the triple digits wouldn't surprise me.  Usually I wait till some sort of milestone or "new leaf" marker - a new year, my birthday, the beginning of a month.  But then a couple days or weeks go by without much change, and I decide I might as well wait until the next "appropriate" time on the calendar to make a change.  After all, who ever heard of starting to change on a random Sunday in February?  Surely lasting intentional change must begin on some lucky or fortuitous date.  

These are the lies I tell myself.  This is a large part of how I got to where I am - always promising myself I will change tomorrow, or next month, or at the start of next year.  Never quite realizing that now 11 years have passed since I crossed the two hundred pound threshold.  That's 11 years of my life spent living half way - not being able to do everything I want to do, or go everywhere I want to go, or simply be the person I really want to be.  

There's a quote attributed to Earl Nightingale that goes like this: "Never give up on a big dream because of the time it will take to accomplish it.  The time will pass anyway."  The time will pass anyway.  I feel like this is what I am just now starting to wake up and realize in my life.  The time has passed, the time is passing, the time will continue to pass.  And though it might take me a year or longer to lose the weight, and I find that frustrating now, sitting at the beginning, that time is going to pass anyway.  There's another quote that says: "A year from now you'll wish you had started today."  How true this is. 

The time will pass anyway.  A year from now I could be at my goal if I simply start now.  For real.  Legit this time.  I need to shed my excuses ("I don't have time!"), my lies to myself ("I can always start tomorrow") and in the immortal words of Nike, JUST DO IT.  

XOXO, Bethany